Weakness does not become us...

Ether 12:27 - And if men come unto me I 

will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men 

weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is 

sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; 

for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, 

then will I make weak things become strong unto them.  

In reference to my last post, I did not post for people to read in hopes they would feel sorry for me. 

I posted in hope that the women who read it will find comfort in knowing that they are NORMAL. 

How grateful I am to be a Woman in this great gospel. As unstable, emotionally charged and wishy-washy we might appear at times, we are very resilient beings, and in that power of resilience there is beauty. 

President James E. Faust spoke at the April 2000 General Conference on Womanhood. He shared...

"Femininity is not just lipstick, stylish hairdos, and trendy clothes. It is divine adornment of humanity. It finds expression in your qualities of your capacity to love, your spirituality, delicacy, radiance, sensitivity, creativity, charm, graciousness, gentleness, dignity and quiet strength." 

It is who we are. Embrace it, love it and above all appreciate it. Don't compare yourself to the so called "Perfect One" next door, because without the pedestal you have put her on, her perfection fades and realism arrives. 

We are in this together. Build each other up. In gratitude to your Savior, for his patience and understanding, accept your weaknesses and live above them the best you can, so others might find strength in knowing it can be done.

Faust added, "Be proud of your womanhood. Enhance it. Use it to serve others".

Women of our time need to be strong in spirit.  

More often than not our weaknesses try to consume us - this is a crafty way Satan works to tear us down, belittle us and slowly diminish our knowledge of self-worth. We must never forget that we are still and always will be Daughters of our Heavenly Father...and He loves us!

In reference to Ether12:27...seeing our weakness can bring us down...but to what level? Is it a level of humility or a level or self-pity? If we find humility in our daily struggles (something I often forget to do) we will find strength in them. 

I Love Pres. Monson!...what a great compassionate leader for this dispensation. He often shares his very tender, heartfelt thoughts and expressions regarding womanhood, more recently he reminded us: 

“There may be times when you feel detached—even isolated—from the Giver of every good gift. You worry that you walk alone. Fear replaces faith. When you find yourself in such circumstances, I plead with you to remember prayer.”

—President Thomas S. Monson

When life gets us down I hope we find ourselves on our knees, because from there...we will be able to find our feet again. 

You can read Pres. Monson's entire talk here:

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/we-never-walk-alone?lang=eng

As well as Pres. Faust's talk here:

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2000/04/womanhood-the-highest-place-of-honor?lang=eng

Reaching up...

I'm sharing with you one of my all-time favorite paintings of Christ, my Savior....and ask, "What do you see?"

What I see....

For a very long time I was struggling, and when asked 'what was the matter' the only words I could find, that I felt adequately expressed what I was truly feeling, was the response, "I'm drowning". 

Drowning in my own disappointment, exhaustion, helplessness, struggles, overwhelming tasks....feeling defeated, failing, useless, forgotten, and at times, very...very alone, even when surrounded by the ones that loved and supported me. 

Adjusting to life with 5 kids. Accepting the release from my calling in Young Womens to support and stand with, (once again) my amazing husband through his Bishopric calling. 

I found my self struggling to stay calm and in control through homework, diapers, dishes, laundry, baths, mealtimes, bike rides, playtime, bedtime....Sundays...ahhh Sundays were the worst, the days that I would dread. 

Knowing each Sunday morning I would wake up, dress, feed and usher my not so cheerful children to 9am sacrament meeting, Where my sweet husband would meet us, hug me, kiss me and announce with a smile that he was 'Glad we made it'. 

For more than an hour, seated on a bench...I was shuffling kids, feeding snacks, quietly reading books, complimenting coloring pages, redoing hair, quieting complaints and glancing once in awhile to the speaker at the pulpit, wondering when they were going to wrap things up...but also catching a wink and compassionate smile from my loving husband. Reading on his face, that he would be with me if he could. 

Then one Sunday....in my normal routine, as I slowly strolled the halls of my church building swaying and trying to comfort a sleepy, sobbing baby...wondering what uplifting messages were being shared in class that I was missing that might have been the key to open the door and release me from this dark mental prison. 

I gazed nonchalantly, almost carelessly at the paints that hung on the walls until my eyes fell upon this one. 

One I had passed and glanced at countless times before, and felt a rush of unexplained, yet undeniable love from my Savoir. 

I paused a bit longer. My eyes falling dead center, looking past the raging waves, the vibrant colors and two men in the center of it all....

I knew at that moment, all I needed to do, to save myself from sinking lower was to reach out. 

Christ wasn't just offering a hand to help....when Peter realized he was in trouble, he simply reached up...not finding Christs hand...but Christ finding him, taking hold of his beloved friend Peter and saving him. 

The grip of Christ's hand on Peters wrist in this painting is so powerful to me.....yet unseen by many who pass it by. 

I know my Savior lives!

I know he knows and loves me!

I love him and I am forever grateful for this beautiful reminder that we are never alone.   

The difference ONE can make...

My heart is sickened today by the senseless, calloused act of one human being.
Every where around me by word of mouth and social media sites I'm flooded with an out cry of the innocent who either fear tomorrow or wish to right the wrong by a force of action....but what we need to realize as we live and witness these devastating acts is that if one act of evil can rattle the world for a day, what can one act of kindness do?

We may be living in what appears to be a failing world - where trust in man kind is dwindling, but WE have not been sent here to fail with it.

Beauty is still found in the world, in a hug, in a tear shed for another, in unity, in hope. We are never alone.

Pray for those who morn, comfort those who are in need of comfort this day and DO NOT FEAR.

Be the strength and sure footed leader that the world so desperately needs, even if you are only the leader of your home and family. Teach your children that bad things (that we can not always control) will happen, but its how we react when they happen that will either defeat us or cause our eyes to open and witness the outpouring of millions who still care, love and fight everyday to retain that which is good.

It was only one who managed to shattered the day of countless souls, so why cant one start to repair that which has been broken by spreading hope for tomorrow and prayers for today.

My prayer is that you and your family will be blessed with the very comfort and reassurance that, today, is so desperately need.

Reflect upon the Hymn: Have I done any good...

"Have I done any good in the world today? Have I helped anyone in need? Have I cheered up the sad and made someone feel glad?...Has anyone's burden been lighter today, Have the sick and the weary been helped on their way? When they needed my help was I there?"

Doing "Good" truly is a pleasure, "a joy beyond measure"!

(In Memory and hope for the victims of the Newtown, Conn. Elementary school shooting 12/14/2012)

Desires of the heart...

So some of you have been wondering where I have been. Why I haven't been posting and if I have just been fading away, fizzling out this (what I think to be) fantastic blog. :)

Well I'm not fizzling, I'm just fighting...with myself. You know when life brings those "not so fun" life decisions, and the more you think about them, the more confused and obsessed you become over it.

That is where I have been, obsessing over my own personal issues. (pathetic...I know)

This blog has been a great place for me to vent - to recognize my weaknesses and when I assume I have found a solution to them, I enjoy sharing those solutions, in hopes that other women can relate and learn to find solutions of their own.

Now, this issue of mine...I have been battling for several months. Doing everything I can think I should to find answers, fasting, going to church, visiting the temple, praying again and again....asking Heavenly Father to please give me direction so I know what to do.

This past week has been especially tough. My awesome supportive husband (who is the only thing in this world that can keep me sanely grounded) has been out of town.

Its a lot of work to take care of four kids on your own. I've thought a lot these past two days about the poor military wives in my neighborhood and around the country who are doing this for a year. A YEAR! There is no way I could do it.

And tonight, after a long day...and a thoughtfully prepared dinner that nobody wanted to eat, I cracked around 7:15pm...right at the moment when everyone was fighting and crying.

I sent them all to bed...then had a good cry myself (must be a woman thing and I'm sure you can relate)

But after my little sob session - I concluded, maybe this is what I needed. This moment to be alone, so that I could come to terms with my personal issues and then address them and my solutions to my already waiting and listening Father in Heaven.

I realize now my life isn't going to go anywhere with me just sitting here festering over what to do.

And as I was flipping through my church books, a tiny red slip of paper fell out in my lap that simply read...

"Don't be the one thing that is standing in your way"

So tonight I poured my heart out to my Father in Heaven. Thanking him for these moments and for the chance that I actually had to be alone...so that I could address my issues and speak to him full-heartedly.


And I simply asked (not for direction) but that I would be blessed with the desires of my heart. For I recognized tonight, I had known my answer all along....I was just standing in my way.

Go after your dreams - take a chance - trust yourself ...because sometimes its only ourselves standing in our way.

Generations

With the happily anticipated birth of each of my children,  there was one thing that weighed on my mind, it began the moment we found out we were expecting, and strangely,  I still worry today - sometimes even more than I did back then. 

Its mainly on those extremely tough days when those self-judgmental thoughts creep in. Those engulfing feelings of inadequacy, when questions surface of my ability to successfully nurture and teach each child the same.

It has taken me almost 9 years to realize, that even when logic tells me the more children I have the less time I will have for each one individually; they will still be okay if I do my very best.

We have heard time and again that we are raising one of the greatest generation of children...but what we haven't been told and what we need to realize, is that in order to raise up these strong spirits in the world today, we would have to be...and are, one of the greatest generation of teachers. 

We just have to realize and believe it. 

No situation is to complicated, no battle is to challenging and no one could do a better job today, than us. 

We were meant to be their mentors, their security, their motivators, their leaders and their parents.

They were meant to be ours....and we were meant to be theirs. 

HAVE FAITH IN YOURSELF, and know that you are already exactly who you wish you could be. 

Just be glad...

While coming out of the store the other day, I noticed a mom a few paces in front of me, she had her hand wrapped around the back of her sons neck, who looked to be maybe 5-6 years old.

As we walked, I could sense the discrete struggle that was quietly ensuing.

The son, trying to resist and stubbornly pull away...and the moms tightening death grip around his neck, steering him to the car with every resistant wiggle.

I actually smiled to myself....I had been there before....to many times to count, in fact.

Ironically they were parked next to me, I tried to blend with the pavement and quietly loaded my van and watched from the corner of my eye as an exhausted mom battled her stubborn, crossed armed little boy.

She way say "We aren't doing this right now, get in the car." He would glared back, feet planted, shaking his head and retort, "No!"

They were still going back and forth as I climbed in my car and silently drove away.

I felt bad for the mom....to put it plainly, it can be embarrassing when a child acts out. We automatically assume the watchful eyes of the world are looking down, judging us.

But who are we to judge?? We need to realize that if we could ask the public audience who witnesses a melt down between parent and child...
"She who has not lost her temper with a child....let her cast the first accusation..." :)
I guarantee everyone would turn away....dont fault yourself and dont fault others.

Naturally we expect perfection from ourselves and at times from our children. I can't even track how many times I have said...or heard someone vent in frustration "I just don't know what to do anymore...."

Parenting is hard and at times very emotionally and physically draining.

During those moments of fatigue and utter frustration...(Like right at the moment when I could pop that little head clean off the shoulders of my little ones when initiating my so called "Grip of Death")....I have to catch myself and remember this thought that was recently shared with me....

If Christ were to visit your family today...who would he ask to see first??

Your Children.

We must never underestimate how very important they are to him.

I dont fault the mother...for I am just as guilty. Its a daily battle we as mothers face.

I also don't fault the child...for they are simply, only a child.

Be glad they are stubborn, for they will stand firm to the teachings you have taught them...

Be glad they seem bossy, for they know how to lead...

Be glad they are terrorizing, for they are healthy and strong...

Be glad that they tattle, for they trust in your judgement...

Be glad that they question, for they are curious, smart and seeking answers...

Be glad they are yours, be glad they are yours...

God vs. Chance

One of my favorite things said over this past conference weekend...was something Pres. M. Russell Ballard shared regarding the common question "does God exist or was it really all due to chance because of a big bang somewhere"...he said to ask yourself, "if a printing shop explodes does it yield a dictionary?"

There are too many perfect experiences in this life to credit chance.

Just yesterday we had listed one of our cars for sale on local classifieds. It had some engine trouble but must have been priced just right because we were inundate with numerous calls, texts and emails. It was to the point where I had to start compiling a list of prospective buyers.

At first I decided to offer the car on a first call basis - then just work down the list if needed. I assumed that was the only way to keep it fair.

It was working out until the 2nd person on the list, kept calling me again and again and again...asking me to just sell him the car. He had the cash and would come pick it up today....except...I didn't like the vibe I was getting from this guy, so I stood my ground and told him again and again..."If this 1st guy decides not to get it, then you can come look at it" I wasn't going to sell it out from underneath the first guy who was researching to see if he had the means to put the car back into top working order.

Finally about 2 minutes after my final "No" to this man I received a text that read,

"You are an absolute idiot! Thank you for wasting my time! You told me the first time we talked you only had one guy interested in the car...now you have 4 and all you can say to me is I'll keep you posted. I thought you had integrity...you obviously don't even know the meaning of the word! I hope you get ripped off by all the Mexicans who are calling to try and under sale you......" (Then he called me a few choice words I wont post because this is a clean blog :)

I wanted to send an explosions of text back to this guy venting what a racist JERK I thought he was...but all I sent back to him was...

"I'm not going to sell to you so stop calling me...and stop being so mean"

all he responded with was...

"You are an idiot!"

Shortly after that I found out the 1st buyer wasn't able to purchase the car....

Maybe I am idiot...but I doubt that...because I knew that after an afternoon washing back and forth with different emotions, from anger, to hurt, to sad, to laughing, to anger, to sad.....I found my knees, and I knelt and prayed....

I asked my Father in Heaven, to please help me pick one buyer, out of this growing list of phone numbers, My "going down the list" theory didn't seem so perfect anymore and I wanted to give the next chance to the most deserving person, someone who could really benefit and be blessed by it. 

After my prayer, I glanced over the list, fingered down it and my eyes fell upon one number near the middle of the page.

I called it, and the voice on the end of the line was more than trilled to hear from me. They made arrangements to come see the car that very evening.

Turns out -- they bought it!

Turns out -- they were Hispanic, and they weren't there to rip me off. :)

They were a young wonderful family, and while they waited for the truck to come and moved the car to their shop we invited them into our home where we sat and spoke with them and let the kids play. We found out the dad was recently laid of from work in California, they made their way to Utah, nearly car less with a truck that had to be jumped before they could drive away from our home, hoping for a little luck to come their way.

We felt good about our choice.

After they left our home, I thought of that mean man from earlier and words from the weekends conference talks poured over me as I recalled them teaching -- have the courage to not judge others and to recognize that we are all gods children.

This was just one of those perfect life experiences...and I know for a fact it wasn't chance.