Just be glad...

While coming out of the store the other day, I noticed a mom a few paces in front of me, she had her hand wrapped around the back of her sons neck, who looked to be maybe 5-6 years old.

As we walked, I could sense the discrete struggle that was quietly ensuing.

The son, trying to resist and stubbornly pull away...and the moms tightening death grip around his neck, steering him to the car with every resistant wiggle.

I actually smiled to myself....I had been there before....to many times to count, in fact.

Ironically they were parked next to me, I tried to blend with the pavement and quietly loaded my van and watched from the corner of my eye as an exhausted mom battled her stubborn, crossed armed little boy.

She way say "We aren't doing this right now, get in the car." He would glared back, feet planted, shaking his head and retort, "No!"

They were still going back and forth as I climbed in my car and silently drove away.

I felt bad for the mom....to put it plainly, it can be embarrassing when a child acts out. We automatically assume the watchful eyes of the world are looking down, judging us.

But who are we to judge?? We need to realize that if we could ask the public audience who witnesses a melt down between parent and child...
"She who has not lost her temper with a child....let her cast the first accusation..." :)
I guarantee everyone would turn away....dont fault yourself and dont fault others.

Naturally we expect perfection from ourselves and at times from our children. I can't even track how many times I have said...or heard someone vent in frustration "I just don't know what to do anymore...."

Parenting is hard and at times very emotionally and physically draining.

During those moments of fatigue and utter frustration...(Like right at the moment when I could pop that little head clean off the shoulders of my little ones when initiating my so called "Grip of Death")....I have to catch myself and remember this thought that was recently shared with me....

If Christ were to visit your family today...who would he ask to see first??

Your Children.

We must never underestimate how very important they are to him.

I dont fault the mother...for I am just as guilty. Its a daily battle we as mothers face.

I also don't fault the child...for they are simply, only a child.

Be glad they are stubborn, for they will stand firm to the teachings you have taught them...

Be glad they seem bossy, for they know how to lead...

Be glad they are terrorizing, for they are healthy and strong...

Be glad that they tattle, for they trust in your judgement...

Be glad that they question, for they are curious, smart and seeking answers...

Be glad they are yours, be glad they are yours...

God vs. Chance

One of my favorite things said over this past conference weekend...was something Pres. M. Russell Ballard shared regarding the common question "does God exist or was it really all due to chance because of a big bang somewhere"...he said to ask yourself, "if a printing shop explodes does it yield a dictionary?"

There are too many perfect experiences in this life to credit chance.

Just yesterday we had listed one of our cars for sale on local classifieds. It had some engine trouble but must have been priced just right because we were inundate with numerous calls, texts and emails. It was to the point where I had to start compiling a list of prospective buyers.

At first I decided to offer the car on a first call basis - then just work down the list if needed. I assumed that was the only way to keep it fair.

It was working out until the 2nd person on the list, kept calling me again and again and again...asking me to just sell him the car. He had the cash and would come pick it up today....except...I didn't like the vibe I was getting from this guy, so I stood my ground and told him again and again..."If this 1st guy decides not to get it, then you can come look at it" I wasn't going to sell it out from underneath the first guy who was researching to see if he had the means to put the car back into top working order.

Finally about 2 minutes after my final "No" to this man I received a text that read,

"You are an absolute idiot! Thank you for wasting my time! You told me the first time we talked you only had one guy interested in the car...now you have 4 and all you can say to me is I'll keep you posted. I thought you had integrity...you obviously don't even know the meaning of the word! I hope you get ripped off by all the Mexicans who are calling to try and under sale you......" (Then he called me a few choice words I wont post because this is a clean blog :)

I wanted to send an explosions of text back to this guy venting what a racist JERK I thought he was...but all I sent back to him was...

"I'm not going to sell to you so stop calling me...and stop being so mean"

all he responded with was...

"You are an idiot!"

Shortly after that I found out the 1st buyer wasn't able to purchase the car....

Maybe I am idiot...but I doubt that...because I knew that after an afternoon washing back and forth with different emotions, from anger, to hurt, to sad, to laughing, to anger, to sad.....I found my knees, and I knelt and prayed....

I asked my Father in Heaven, to please help me pick one buyer, out of this growing list of phone numbers, My "going down the list" theory didn't seem so perfect anymore and I wanted to give the next chance to the most deserving person, someone who could really benefit and be blessed by it. 

After my prayer, I glanced over the list, fingered down it and my eyes fell upon one number near the middle of the page.

I called it, and the voice on the end of the line was more than trilled to hear from me. They made arrangements to come see the car that very evening.

Turns out -- they bought it!

Turns out -- they were Hispanic, and they weren't there to rip me off. :)

They were a young wonderful family, and while they waited for the truck to come and moved the car to their shop we invited them into our home where we sat and spoke with them and let the kids play. We found out the dad was recently laid of from work in California, they made their way to Utah, nearly car less with a truck that had to be jumped before they could drive away from our home, hoping for a little luck to come their way.

We felt good about our choice.

After they left our home, I thought of that mean man from earlier and words from the weekends conference talks poured over me as I recalled them teaching -- have the courage to not judge others and to recognize that we are all gods children.

This was just one of those perfect life experiences...and I know for a fact it wasn't chance.

Survivor

To say that I enjoy watching Survivor (the reality show) would be a modest way to put it....when in reality I LOVE SURVIVOR...in fact I'm waiting for the day when my kids are grown and I can try out for my chance to outwit and outlast someone.

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I have had a couple close friends of mine lately share with me the personal struggles they are having in their lives. Their situations have been weighing heavily on my mind the past couple of days and today it dawned on me....we are all living a version of Survivor.

(Yes it could be referred to outwitting and outlasting my children but no...that's not where I'm going today....I've already outwitted, outlasted and won that battle :)

I'm talking about the everyday challenges we face when contending with The Adversary.

(outwit)
He is smart - He would have to be...he alone was allowed to offer ideas regarding the well-being of all mankind, ultimately leading to a war in heaven. He had to be educated and very convincing because he enticed a 1/3 of the host of heaven to remain with him and be angels of darkness forever (sounds pretty miserable to me....but he somehow turned many hearts of the children away from their father.)

(outlast)
He is continuous - He will never stop trying to make our lives as miserable as he feels. (Misery loves company) He knows our weaknesses, our flaws, our challenges and our sensitivities and he'll find ways to ignite them causing them to burn away at our conscience and then at our weakest point, instead of letting up and claiming defeat he will stoke the fire, a little here, a little there until it ultimately consumes us.  

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So how do we outwit an intelligent enduring devil?? We follow Christs plan, a plan that Satan never understood and never will....often referred to as The Plan of Happiness -  in order to know the plan of happiness you have to GAIN KNOWLEDGE by simply going to church, reading the scriptures, studying instruction from the leaders of the church found in the ensign and other modern publications. Then while searching to discover who you are, you will come to realize and find joy in the simple truth that you are indeed a child of a living and true God who will forever be on your side.

How do we Outlast him?? We turn our burdens over to the lord and he will lighten our load and ease our pain. We wont outlast him if we are trying to tolerate life's torments alone. Satan has his angels on his side but we have angles from heaven ready to heed our call. Joseph Smith once said (and I'm paraphrasing) "You are in a situation in which you must make a decision -- but if you chose to live up to God's principles, how great will be your privilege, for angels cannot be restrained from being with you." (simple enough I think)

DON'T EVER STOP -- because Satan never will.

Then if we work hard, stay true and do what we can...at the end of these season (aka life)

we will be crowned the winner and earn that title of ultimate survivor!

Living proof that faster isnt better

One word....BUSY

That's what I feel like I have been lately, now I enjoy being a "busy-body" as my hubby calls it, makes me feel accomplished through my repetitious days.

But....I'm coming to realize with all my busyness that trying to move faster to accomplish more is never a good thing.
In fact I can visualize my out of control self (in life right now) morph into one of those crazy street drivers that dart in and out of traffic, passing everyone so I can "Go Faster" because I'm in a hurry. While you casually driving at the same constant-laid back speed enjoying the view and loving the moment.
In a matter of time, you catch up to the maniac (me) whose crazied-panicked efforts only gained 5 extra seconds (if that).
You enjoyed your ride...me on the other hard was a frantic out-of-control mess.

My messes (Living proof that faster isn't better).....

1. The other day I was trying to hurry home. Our stupid garage door sensor wasn't working, after 11 quick clicks and 2 misfires where the door began to open but with my impatient clicketty clacking I caused the door to stall about 4 inches off the ground. I then had to wait for the door to close down again before trying to reopen it. After finally mastering it, I hurried into the garage, dodging our lazy, slow moving, 9 year old lab who likes to nap in the center of the garage floor. I misjudged my momentum and CRACK...ran a bike handle right through my front Van Grill.....nice...but nothing a little super glue cant fix, right? :)

2. Mental note: setting an appointment to meet up in 20 minutes...when you still have to shower and dress yourself. (Never a good idea) I showered faster than ever, even shaved my legs (extra points right there...am I right ladies), jumped out, blow dried my hair went to get dressed, figured I could wiggle into my jeans without fully unzipping the zipper, but in one massive power pull I  blew the zipper completely out!! It EXPLODED, ripping the zipper teeth clean off the pants. I cant find them....they are gone...and the zipper is destroyed. one pair of nice pants...GONE. :( One semi-self confident mom...feeling fat again (never a good way to go through out the day).

3. My 3yr old went to the restroom, I figured I had time to change a dirty diaper of my 18 month old before going to help my 3 yr old. But half way through a messy diaper change he starts to call out from the bathroom, MOMMMMM I DONE! MOMMMM WHERE ARE YOU?? I'M DONNNEEEE!!!! MMOOMMM So I clean up the 18 month old - hike his pants up, set him down to play and move on to help in the bathroom. I would say life was good for about an hour....until my 18 month old walked up to me crying hysterically and completely drenched from the waist down, I pick him up and peak down the pants to see what on earth is going on with this cheap diaper...and SURPRISE...NO DIAPER! Yep...log that one away for best mom move ever!! The poor little guy.

So...learn from my mistakes ladies and SLOW THOSE PONIES DOWN because in the long run its really not worth the effort, eventually everyone else will catch up to you but they will be happy and relaxed because they took it slow and enjoy the scenery, do yourself a favor - take my advice....SLOW DOWN and enjoy the moment.

The Walk Away

After that lovely post of how special and great children are...
I would like to share with you the secret of how I carry on without eliminating my own offspring, even on our best days. 

This technique can be used (everyday if you are like me) when you find yourself being swallowed up by the kind of day when the kids are loaded with ammo from sunrise to sunset and every waking moment they are machine-gunning the daylights out of every ounce of patience you have.

A day when kids think they have taken control because poor mom is out of control  or a day when kids are pounded back into control......because mom is still out of control.

"Hi, my name is Jenn Collard and yes,

I'm an 'out of control mom'..." 

You know what I mean, those days when life gets the best of you and you just want to just crawl away into a corner, eat anything eatable that is within reach and cry.

Well let me introduce to you....THE WALK AWAY - something I have been doing for years and now that I've mastered it, I pass my teachings on to you. (LUCKY!)

When you find yourself in a moment, when you have been pushed far enough and it takes every ounce of will power you have not to completely explode. Thats when you have to take a deep breath...and simply....walk away.
Lock yourself in a closet, a bathrooms, even a bedroom, whatever you have....take a deep breath, share a sincere prayer with your Father in Heaven, take another deep breath, and if you have children on the other side of the door pounding way, take another 3 or 4,... then open the door. 

Simply stepping away from the situation, even for a minute, will allow you to regain control. Whatever it was that seemed over whelming, you can now re-approach with a clear mind that was given the chance to catch up, you will think more clearly and your reaction will be based off of thought and not unstable-in the moment-emotions.

Your tone will naturally soften and your words will be guided and inspired. I promise you that your children will be accepting to your words...they in turn, will mirror your example as they too attempt to take back control of their emotions.

In our home, when our kids start to argue we often start sing to them "let us all speak kind words to each other".
I'm sure they hate it at times....but what we as parents can't preach..the words of Hymn #232 can....

Let us oft speak kind words to each other
At home or where’er we may be...the tones will be welcome and free.
They’ll gladden the heart that’s repining,
Give courage and hope from above,
And where the dark clouds hide the shining,
Let in the bright sunlight of love....
Let us oft speak kind words to each other;
Kind words are sweet tones of the heart  

Chlidren are...

The world is full of wonderful things given to us by our Father in Heaven to find joy in. With an array of different personalities and different matter to like, we are entitled to like or dislike as we so desire. So you can like or dislike this post regarding an issue that can be controverisal to some....

I recently attended a world-wide training meeting where Elder Nelson shared that over the past 50 years the birth rate has continuously dropped throughout the world - families are growing increasingly smaller.

Ironically, I have recently taken personal note of this matter, after hearing first hand from the mouths of some married couples who expressed that kids are over rated and having them will slow the accomplishments they want to acheive in this life.

Maybe it shouldn't bother me but its a great heart ache, as a mother, to hear others talk negatively about children, having none of their own, my question to them is...how can you argue something that you have never experienced for yourself, to be intolerable or unpleasant?

Now I'm not saying you should have oodles of kids right now -- for this decission is solely between the couple and their Father in Heaven. We should never judge how many children someone chooses to have and when they begin and end their family.

However, the adversary is forever striving to attack Gods plan of happiness which is the FAMILY.

I feel he will continue to seek ways to prevent these sweet spirits from heaven from entering stable homes where they can feel the love of their savior, grow in the gospel and learn who they are and where they came from. After all - these rightous children will eventually grow to defend and fight for the truth that will ultimately consume his earthly empire.

The desire to become a rightous parent to these marvelous children of God doesn't require that you birth a baby of your own...all that it requires is that you open your home and heart to all children. With a willing heart your home can and will be filled with the sweet spirits heavenly father intended for you to guide and raise here on earth.

I took a couple days and asked men and women alike (moms & dads) to share their thoughts of what they think when they think of their own children.

It brought a smile to my face to hear them making light the idea that kids are wild-crazy and out of control at times. (which can be true :)

But it also brought pure unmistakable joy to hear a them also refer to their children as being....wonderful, smart, the most joy ever, Gods greatest blessing, fun, hilarious, joyful, free-spirited, something that made their life complete, curious, amazing, loving, loyal, unpredictable, persistent, life changing, worthwhile, tender, perfect, their whole world.

Children are a beautiful gift that we can only hope to receive in this life, Family is central to Gods plan of happiness...and that plan is perfect!

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This valentines day -- take time to show love to all the children in your life

and recognize what a glorious gift they are and what a blessing it is to have them in our lives.

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Its your choice

I have had this post sitting as a draft for over a week now.
The problem is, I know what I want to share...I'm just struggling with best way to say it so that it makes sense to someone besides myself. :)
The inspiration for this post is credited to the numerous situations that I have oddly encountered over the past couple weeks. All of them very similar in circumstance - yet, all of them yielding very different results.
It is essential that we realize this simple fact that we live in a world filled with imperfect people (including ourselves). Words will be said, actions can be misunderstood and mistakes will be made - it's just human nature.
We interact everyday - from the moment we wake up til the time we go to sleep. You can't really avoid it. It occurs in the natural-everyday socialization we have with other people, and not just acquaintances, but with families and friends as well.
There are going to be moments when words can hurt or offend us, actions can annoy or make us angry....but the question we have to ask ourselves is "how am I going to react?"...after all it is our choice.

D&C 37:4 = Let every man choose for himself...

When God gave us agency it wasn't just narrowly thought of to give us the choice of what we want to eat for breakfast, or what church serve we'll attend, or the choice to get up early and exercise or not, or if we'll actually drag the kids back into the store to pay for that one grocery item on the bottom of the cart that was over looked by the cashier.
Its bigger than that -- its an immense right and power that we have been given to be able to CHOOSE in every aspect of our lives.

It is your choice to choose how you will react to situations - you can harbor hurt and resentment...or you can choose to let it go.
Its hard - I know, choices in this life aren't meant to be easy, they are meant to test us. How will we react? What will our choice be?

I hope this post wasn't just a rambling mess of random unlinked thoughts that have been running through my mind this past week...but I hope it will help someone out there to understand that our reactions to situations are our choice.

Let go of grudges - because honestly most of the time the people we are mad at don't even have a clue of the feelings we harbor against them. And there will also be times when we will need an outlet to vent and complain (which is okay) -- your outlet can be through personal prayer.
Friends are good, but no one can match the release you will receive after a good vent session with your Father in Heaven, and in return you will feel his love through the inspiration you receive and it will bring to your life great comfort and resolve.