Thursday, July 12, 2012
Desires of the heart...
So some of you have been wondering where I have been. Why I haven't been posting and if I have just been fading away, fizzling out this (what I think to be) fantastic blog. :)
Well I'm not fizzling, I'm just fighting...with myself. You know when life brings those "not so fun" life decisions, and the more you think about them, the more confused and obsessed you become over it.
That is where I have been, obsessing over my own personal issues. (pathetic...I know)
This blog has been a great place for me to vent - to recognize my weaknesses and when I assume I have found a solution to them, I enjoy sharing those solutions, in hopes that other women can relate and learn to find solutions of their own.
Now, this issue of mine...I have been battling for several months. Doing everything I can think I should to find answers, fasting, going to church, visiting the temple, praying again and again....asking Heavenly Father to please give me direction so I know what to do.
This past week has been especially tough. My awesome supportive husband (who is the only thing in this world that can keep me sanely grounded) has been out of town.
Its a lot of work to take care of four kids on your own. I've thought a lot these past two days about the poor military wives in my neighborhood and around the country who are doing this for a year. A YEAR! There is no way I could do it.
And tonight, after a long day...and a thoughtfully prepared dinner that nobody wanted to eat, I cracked around 7:15pm...right at the moment when everyone was fighting and crying.
I sent them all to bed...then had a good cry myself (must be a woman thing and I'm sure you can relate)
But after my little sob session - I concluded, maybe this is what I needed. This moment to be alone, so that I could come to terms with my personal issues and then address them and my solutions to my already waiting and listening Father in Heaven.
I realize now my life isn't going to go anywhere with me just sitting here festering over what to do.
And as I was flipping through my church books, a tiny red slip of paper fell out in my lap that simply read...
"Don't be the one thing that is standing in your way"
So tonight I poured my heart out to my Father in Heaven. Thanking him for these moments and for the chance that I actually had to be alone...so that I could address my issues and speak to him full-heartedly.
And I simply asked (not for direction) but that I would be blessed with the desires of my heart. For I recognized tonight, I had known my answer all along....I was just standing in my way.
Go after your dreams - take a chance - trust yourself ...because sometimes its only ourselves standing in our way.