I just ended the day officially wearing the title of meanest mom ever...but not for the reasons I hoped. I had an off day - I was cranky, short, snappy, I yelled, grabbed, threatened, yelled some more (why not, right, the days almost over, finish it out strong). I took toys away, grounded kids FOR LIFE...and what did it accomplish? A bunch of broken hearted-crying kids and a mom who was crying right along with them. I sat alone in bed thinking "They didn't deserve what I dished out to them today."
I know it might sound crazy, but as much as I hate these days and get frustrated with myself for letting things escalate and not having control over my exhausted emotions...I'm thankful for today. Its through these rotten days (that we hope to soon forget) that we grow and mature as a person; as a mom. Its the only way we can recognize what needs to be corrected and changed. What needs improvement and how we can better ourselves.
If I wouldn't have got all riled up over the messy house, piles of dishes, grocery store trips that are difficult and always take longer than expected. If I wouldn't have fussed over the laundry, If I wouldn't have said NO to a daughter who asked to help make dinner (I could prepare it faster on my own). If I would have slowed down and taken the time to comfort and sooth a crying, teething baby. Looking back, I now realize my day was filled with endless "If's". What If I was more patient, What If I was more kind. What If I gave a little more of my time to what mattered most. I need to work to eliminate the - end of day "If's".
After my kids were asleep and I realized I wasn't gaining anything by going to bed without resolving the issue (Even if it was just for myself) I woke each kid, apologized, kissed them goodnight, told them I loved them and tucked them in again...properly this time.
Oddly enough, after that, I felt better.
I can now go to bed knowing this dumb, miserable day, is gone for good!